30 Years Ago

Patrick and I were married June 26, 1983, in Reno 30 years ago. We married young (16,19), with a baby on the way, not the best recipe for a successful marriage. If you're reading this and have children, you probably just gasped. Nope, I wouldn't have wanted either of my girls to marry that young and yes, it did occur to me when they were 16, wow I had a family at their age.  

Anyway, somehow or other we've made it work through the years with the good and the not so good  times.  I've been asked on occasion what makes our marriage last, to which, I reply, quite a bit of luck and dedication. 

With "normal" marriages my perspective is that the first few years are the honeymoon years. You don't get irritated by the toothpaste lid being left off and always remember important anniversaries. Our first years weren't like this, instead we were young, struggling and new parents. In our first year, we had a child, moved from Susanville to Sacramento, and worked to finish high school (me) and start CSUS (Patrick). Patrick refers to these years as the "dark years." How it lasted is still a mystery to me, but I think even then we always liked each others company and found the same things funny. 

I wish I could say that everything is 100% wonderful all the time, but that would be a lie. I'd also like to say that we've never fought, disagreed or had issues with one another, but we're as human as the next couple. The truth is there are hard times, crappy times and moments when we haven't really acted our best. However, I will say that through them all I've always felt a strong sense of attachment and being together just felt right. Whatever the reason, I will never regret the decision to marry my first love and my best friend.

Over the years we've had many great moments and good times, traveling, moving, celebrating, and in general goofing around. We have two great kids, three grandkids and some wonderful memories with more to be had. To my husband and friend - Happy 30th Anniversary!

Taken from "You're My Best Friend" by Queen:

You're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh you're my best friend

The Lift

We have struggled the past couple months with the decision of what to do about the stairs in our house. Our house doesn't have a bedroom or full bath downstairs. Now before you get concerned, this is a preemptive decision, Patrick is quite able at this point to go up and down the stairs, albeit a bit slower. One of the things that is pressed upon you at ALS support group is to always stay ahead of the curve when making decisions. You don't want to make decisions after you need something, instead make these in advance so that you are not caught off guard. This comes from folks who know and who've been there.

So, we met with contractors to potentially add a room to the downstairs with full bath, met with a mechanical engineer to consider a lift being installed in the house and looked at various single story homes for sale.  If I'm being honest, none of these options really appeals to Patrick or I, and it's been quite a painful process.

Although, I don't think there is a "right answer," we tried to narrow down the decision based on the emotional, financial and least stressful option. It's interesting the way we look at things now, when we originally purchased our house in Roseville, we assumed we'd sell it and move on within a few years.  Well that was over 13 years ago, and we're still here. Honestly we've put quite a bit of our heart and soul into this home and we have many wonderful memories. 

We did finally come to a decision, I wish we could say that it was clear cut or we feel that it's 100% right, but that's not possible. So, since neither of us could quite see leaving this house, we decided to remodel although it will not be easy. Prior to leaving for Europe, we made plans to install the lift and set a date for June with the engineer. 

It seems June came about quickly and we both realized the lift was scheduled to be installed.  I guess it's like cold feet, but we both agreed we are just not ready to have it installed.  I think the lift is a symbol of so many things, and although we will have to "take the plunge" sooner or later we're going to hold off for the moment.  Luckily, the engineer, Chris McIlwain, is completely understanding and although he couldn't cancel the delivery of the lift, the installation was postponed until we were ready. 

Well, the lift arrived yesterday - it is a big package and in the garage it sits... I'm not sure when we will decide to install the lift and my hope is it won't be needed for a long time to come. But if you journey into our garage, don't trip...