Our Family's Journey: December 2015

I've had a monkey brain for as long as I can remember. The monkeys in my mind have meetings, make speeches, write to do lists, worry and generally make a lot of racket. They shift their discussions quickly and no topics are off limits. They have meetings when I'm trying to sleep or wake me up during the night, they distract me throughout the day and I suspect Patrick would say on occasion make me a bit spacey.

I heard the term "monkey mind" years ago, at a workshop on how to reduce stress, meditate and bring calm into your life. Buddha originated the concept of "monkey mind" over 2,500 years ago. He emphasized the need to "manage our monkeys" through meditation to calm the mind; a bit easier said than done. Well the monkeys have been overly busy this holiday season and ideas for this blog are not as tidy as I'd like them to be. So, I'm writing this disclaimer, if this blog doesn't tie together neatly for you, just recognize that you have listened to not one, but many of the monkeys clattering around in my brain.

The holidays can create a lot of stress for people. It's a time of expectations, remembering the past and spending time with family and friends. Patrick was diagnosed with ALS three years ago, about a week before Christmas. I don't know the actual day, I could look it up, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that our lives permanently changed three years ago. I don't dwell on the anniversary but it does enter my conscious at this time of year. I remember coming home from the ALS Clinic in San Francisco and stopping at Togo's for sandwiches. As the sandwich maker worked he talked about what he wanted to get his girlfriend for Christmas. He was friendly and rambled on about getting her the curling iron she had asked for, he wasn't sure if it was "enough." Why I remember this, I have no idea. I don't think I really listened to what he was saying, but when I headed out I told him, get her a little something more, like flowers, even if she didn't ask.

It's funny the things we remember and the things we forgot. We don't get to choose instead the mind makes these decisions for us - perhaps the monkeys have something to do with it. This time of year, my thoughts often drift to my dad, he died a couple days after Thanksgiving. I remember the call from my mom and falling to my knees. So, this time of year brings sad memories, but I try not to dwell, my father wouldn't want that. Instead we light up the house, buy lots of gifts for the grand kids and drink a ton of eggnog. I suspect we all have mixed feelings this time of year, it's a time of celebration and giving but also a time of reflection and remembering those who are not with us.

I love to give gifts, there is no better feeling than finding that "right" gift for someone you love. Best gift I gave this year was to my mother, I got her a cell phone. It was the Jitterbug brand that caters to the over 50 crowd (yes, I'm almost there too). She has been busy learning to use it which has been fun for her and all of us. She spent Christmas calling everyone and telling us she was working with her new gadget, for mom everything technical is a gadget.

So, what do you get someone with ALS? Caitlin and Corrinne both asked me this question over the past month. I didn't really have an answer other than "time." Truly time is our most precious commodity and for Patrick the thing he is most grateful. Corrinne is learning to sew (mom you would be proud) and for Christmas made Patrick a wonderful lap blanket. The lap blanket idea came from our genealogy research. I found the will of my 2nd Gt. Grandmother and she left a lap blanket to one of her children. After reading this, Patrick announced he would like a lap blanket. So, Corrinne set out to hand make a blanket for Patrick. It's a beautiful blanket with Denver Broncos on it and has already got plenty of use. She did an amazing job especially for her first time.

Caitlin is on semester break and has begun reading to Patrick. It started with a book on their Mayflower ancestor, Stephen Hopkins. When she asked her dad what he wanted for Christmas, he said that the time they spent reading was a gift. If you know Caitlin, you'll laugh at her response, she said "that's like giving someone a coupon for a hug..." I quickly responded, "I'll take a coupon for a hug" which she responded "ok but its a coupon which means its just a discount." She decided that reading to dad was not enough and that she would cook for us on Christmas. We had eggnog french toast for brunch and manicotti for dinner. The real treat was frozen hot chocolate for dessert - if you haven't tried it, its delicious. Here is a link to the recipe: Link to Recipe

We are blessed this Christmas with a wonderful family. The monkeys were busy talking loudly and causing mischief but I think overall they spent most of their time enjoying the festivities. I hope the season has brought you much happiness and the memories of the past did not cause much pain, but instead provided you with grace this holiday season.

Happy Holidays to all! I did not send Christmas cards this year, but we wish you a very Merry Christmas and peace in the New Year. Here are some photos from our family to yours.