Pete and Lachi

Pete at the ALS Walk

When I wrote the last blog post in Our Family's Journey back in October, 2018, I had no plans to write any others.  It wasn't that I had "moved on" because any widow will tell you, you don't really "move on."  This blog was our story and I didn't have anything left to share regarding "us."  But its also a story about all the family, people and friends that shared our journey. So, when I got the text from Lachi that Pete had died, I realized there was still another blog to write.  

The news shouldn't have been a surprise, Pete had been living with ALS for over 6 years. Still I was surprised, pained and saddened. We get into a mode of living, where we think either consciously or subconsciously that things won't change... but they do. I remember after Patrick passed away one of his close friends said, "I just thought he'd stay the way he was forever."

I can say without hesitation that I have yet to become comfortable with death - it still shocks and saddens me whether or not I should've expected it. So, when I got the news from Lachi I was overwhelmed with grief. With one more of our friends passing, it felt like I was losing a little bit more of Patrick. 

There are only a few ALS patients left that started this journey with Patrick and I. Pete and Lachi started support group about a year after we did. They were like us, sorting through the diagnosis, making adjustments and trying to figure out what it meant for their future. They had the added consideration that Lachi, herself has an mitochondrial disorder that significantly reduces her strength and she often gets around with the help of a power wheelchair. 

So, they had to figure out how it would work with two people with disabilities. Over the years, I never heard either of them wallow, they struggled, yes but never self pity. They were quick to help others in support group, showed tremendous compassion and empathy, and provided helpful suggestions and insights. They were people that made things work.

Pete's journey differed from Patrick's, his symptoms started in the respiratory region. Which generally means your life expectancy is reduced. In all honestly, it never occurred to me that Pete would live such a long time. 

After Patrick's death, I've gone out to visit with them every few months. He was declining, I could see that, but he was still Pete and such a positive guy. Lachi and I would head out for lunch at a local restaurant or I'd bring take out. 

Very early in the diagnosis Lachi knew that she needed help to care for Pete. They came up with the unique plan of hiring pre-med, pre-nursing students from UC Davis. The level of care varied at times but increased over the years. The last couple of years they employed anywhere from 5-7 students for about 60 hours a week. Lachi ran an amazing staff.

I met a number of these students and it was an obvious win-win for everyone. In addition to being paid, the students got real life experience that impacted and prepared them for their careers. For Lachi and Pete, who have no children, this added a tremendous amount of life to their home. They rejoiced in their triumphs and encouraged and mentored them in their young adult decisions. Whenever I visited I heard a story about one of their student caregivers - they were family.

The love between Lachi and Pete was always apparent, as was their commitment to each other. Pete took care of Lachi for a number of years and in turn Lachi took care of Pete until he passed away. Not many of us have been on both sides of that coin. They did this "dance" with tremendous grace and love. They are a testament to what a marriage could be, not the easy stuff, but how we manage the hard stuff. I will miss witnessing the dance.

Pete Richards lived a full life, with friends and family. He opened a collectibles shop in Davis called the Davis Gold and Silver Exchange for over 25 years. He was an avid history buff, and always willing to discuss the news of the day. In his final years he wrote short stories from his life and put them into a book for his nieces and nephews. He was optimistic, witty and generous with family and friends.

Here is his obituary from the Enterprise, it does a wonderful job of sharing his life. He was an interesting guy.  

Peter Charles Richards - Obituary, the Enterprise, Yolo County News

Team Timmons 2017

Selfie of Therese, Lachi and I (and my hand:)

An aside:
Patrick and I never met Pete or Lachi until ALS support group. We found out quickly, that our connection was not just ALS.  Lachi worked for a small engineering firm where Patrick and I had other friends. Interestingly, when Pete died, I got a call from a friend at the firm to make sure I had heard the news. It reminds me that we are all interconnected, like that six degrees of Kevin Bacon game.