With ALS everything is about time and progression, you know that the changes will come but you don't know when. We've witnessed other patients progression, but they vary by individual so there is no road map to prepare for the things to come, you only know they will come. I'm not sure if it would be comforting to know what's next or how soon, sometimes I wish I knew, but it wouldn't really change anything. There has always been an overlap with Patrick's issues; for example we now struggle to understand Patrick's speech but in truth his voice hasn't sounded "normal" for over a year. So this is a current challenge but certainly not something that happened overnight.
The Importance of Communication
There are so many losses in this disease. An ALS caregiver described the losses as a deck of cards, every week a card is removed and you are left with the remaining cards. ALS is a relentless foe, so eventually it takes all the cards. By far the greatest loss over the past six months and perhaps throughout this entire journey is Patrick's ability to speak. At this point I would say I can understand 50% of what he's trying to say, but if I'm distracted or if he's tired I probably won't understand at all.
The loss of speech creates such a void for me and him. The conversations while driving in the car, while going to bed or while sitting outside on the porch are becoming less and it is so frustrating for him when I ask him for a third time to repeat what he just said. He has such a quick wit and always makes me chuckle but if I ask him to repeat it over and over, it simply loses its impact. He will sometimes give up trying to say something and I fight the urge to simply smile and nod which often folks do in response to not understanding. Frankly, he knows that they don't understand. Sadly, I've become the translator for him in most situations.
At a past support group I remember a conversation where a caregiver was complaining about taking over the driving responsibilities from her husband and she was frustrated because her husband was an awful backseat driver. She just wanted him to "be quiet." After she said that another caregiver responded sadly, "be careful what you ask for..." her husband had recently lost his ability to speak. Frankly, I felt sorry for both caregivers - I hate backseat drivers and I hate Patrick losing his speech.
Johannes assisting with SGD Setup |
To say using a speech device is the same as speaking would not be true. The device follows your eyes and you select phrases or words by allowing the cursor to dwell on a selected item. It takes some time to put a sentence together and makes it near impossible to contribute to an active conversation. OJ Brigance, of the Baltimore Ravens, who was diagnosed in 2007, explains it well, "I have been able to communicate well with my DynaVox, even with the loss of my voice. The only frustration is the inability to communicate real time and conversations. By the time I finish typing, the topic may have changed, so it requires patience. With that being said, praise God I can still audibly communicate."
Moving your eyes in this manner has its own level of exhaustion, the eyes were simply not made for it. I find that conversations are becoming more directive: I need this, please do that etc. We both agree that loss of speech is the worst card that ALS removes from the deck. As with all his losses we are learning to adapt, but this is like removing the joker from the deck of cards. The joker fills in when something is missing so without it there is a big void.
Recently, Katherine Adraktas with the Sacramento ALS Association did a video of us to promote the speech workshops and loan closet services provided by the association. Patrick is using a Microsoft Surface and Quha Zono wireless gyromouse in the video. The mouse works by moving the head. He is now slowly making the change to the eye gaze technology but he's used the Zono mouse for about a year.
A word to fellow caregivers and ALS patients, the process of getting a speech generating device is long, for us two months from start to finish, so don't delay in getting the process started.
Other Symptoms
Respiratory: Patrick continues to use a breathing machine at night called a Trilogy. This machine helps his diaphragm rest by forcing air in and out, a little different than a c-pap that only provides a constant flow of oxygen. Unfortunately, because his facial muscles have become so weak, Forbes Clinic does not have the equipment at the mobile Sacramento clinic to measure his breathing capacity so we don't know his current breathing levels. However, he doesn't need the machine during the day which would indicate a decline so we are still in the beginning stages of respiratory decline.
Chewing and Swallowing: We use our tongue and muscles to move food around, clean out our teeth and make things ready for swallowing. They work together to assure that food makes its way down safely. This is a challenging area for Patrick and it has slowed his ability to eat, as well as making him avoid certain foods that are simply too difficult. We combat choking by cutting bites that are not too big and medications are easier to digest with a thicker liquid - we use juice. Water can be a choking hazard for an ALS patient, which still sounds odd to me, but it is true.
Another symptom is called the pseudobulbar affect which causes amongst other things exaggerated emotional responses. It's an over reaction like excessive crying or laughing to something that does not warrant it. This has been an ongoing issue for Patrick and is common in ALS patients. He does have medication that helps keep this under control. We got the medication when he started crying when people were eliminated on Dancing with the Stars.
A Note of Warning
Part II of this blog is primarily related to our journey navigating the use of cannabis for managing his symptoms (there is plenty of humor in it). If this insults your sensitivities or you simply think it's wrong you may want to skip it. For me I'm in this journey for Patrick, if it helps with some difficult symptoms, I have no problem with him using marijuana. With all the medications he takes, challenges he faces and severity of his diagnosis the moral issue of his use of marijuana is just not significant to me.
I wish you all the best as we start this new year! Here are a few recent photos:
Us |
"Storytime" |
Patrick and Christian at his 8th Birthday Party |
What a lot you have had to learn.... It is good to see your love and your bravery! Wishing you all the best every day!
ReplyDeleteCheryl, you certainly are doing a wonderful job in a difficult situation. Thank you for sharing the details. I'm glad you are my newly discovered cousin. Love to you and your family. Nancy Reed
ReplyDeleteHugs to you both.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are in my prayers. I hope things progress in all the directions that you can hope for. I'm so glad to see how much your family comes together and the love and support. Hugs.
ReplyDelete