Shirley

Shirley (mom) and Patrick

Patrick's mom, Shirley, passed away this week.  It didn't come as a surprise, she had been battling Alzheimer's for over eight years. A tough disease especially for such an outgoing, funny, charismatic lady. The fact that it was not a surprise does not lessen the impact of her loss.

For many years she worked as a waitress on the night shift at both IHOP and Western Sizzlin. Starting her shift at 11pm and working until the early morning - her sleep cycle was always a bit different. She had, what she called her "regulars", folks that came during her shift to chat and share their day. She was friendly, funny and always willing to lend an ear.

She was a "foodie" long before that became a thing. She loved food and was a tremendous cook, who specialized in comfort foods - brisket, potatoes (scalloped, mashed, twice baked), deviled eggs etc. No one went hungry at her house. Her recipes were difficult to follow only because she didn't use measurements, she would say - "oh, you know just add a little of this and a smidge of that." She would often go through her restaurant menu describing items in great detail. While working at IHOP she recommended to Patrick that he try the Country Griddle Pancakes they are delicious. She said the secret ingredient was cream of wheat. This became one of his favorite foods and if you like pancakes I would recommend you give them a try.

To say Shirley was a talker would be an understatement. Shirley's phone calls to Patrick were legendary. He would prepare himself by finding a comfortable spot with ear phones in and emerge a couple hours later. Sadly, these calls are history now, not having received any since her diagnosis. 

Jim, Sean, Patrick, and Shirley

Shirley had three sons, Jim, Patrick and Sean. Jim passed away in 2011 and at a point where she was already battling Alzheimer's disease. Prior to flying out for his funeral, I wondered how much of Jim's death she would understand.  I sat next to her at the funeral she just stared forward without expression. In a moment of clarity, she turned to me and said, "you should never out live your children." Then she just turned back to the front. It was a powerful moment, one I will never forget.

The three brothers were jokesters and their mother was often the victim of their pranks. She was a chronic smoker for years. There are stories of poking holes in the cigarette filters, and replacing tobacco with other substances. Perhaps that is one benefit of her diagnosis, when she was hospitalized after a particularly bad episode she was not allowed to smoke. During this time she forgot about smoking and never smoked again. Occasionally she would mention that she remembered smoking. Sean would respond, "nope, nope, you never smoked." 

Don't feel too sorry for Shirley. She had a great sense of humor and enjoyed the banter with her sons. While we were visiting a few years back, Sean made dinner for everyone at his house. Shirley was living in a residential care home and had been quarreling with another resident over a reclining chair - Shirley had deemed it "her chair." This had prompted a few calls to Sean to help calm Shirley down when she found "her chair" occupied. 

During dinner Sean said, "you know mom there are other chairs to sit in." She responded, "that's what I told her, she doesn't need to sit in my chair." I had to laugh... she had a point, kind of. I'm not sure that Sean was entertained, but it sure made me laugh.

We didn't tell Shirley that Patrick had ALS. That was an easy decision, it would just upset her and the information would soon be forgotten. Why cause her this pain, what would be the point. When we visited her the year Patrick was diagnosed I think she noticed that he didn't walk with his usual ease, but she seemed to disregard it.

Timmons Family 2011

Shirley, along with most of Patrick's extended family, live in the Denver area. This placed the caregiver role on Patrick's brother, Sean and his family over the past years. Sean visited her regularly, delivered soda (or "pop" as Shirley called it), candy and puzzles, which she enjoyed for a few years. He managed any issues that occurred at the home, coordinated with her doctors and hospice staff and was the point person for her care. We owe Sean and his family a debt of gratitude for the many years of care they provided. 

Regardless of the expectation of death, the loss of a parent is never easy. Shirley was a wonderful, free spirited soul. She was loved by all who met her and she could always make you smile. So farewell Shirley, we were blessed to know you. I'm sure you are enjoying a plate of country griddle pancakes with Jim.

Frank, Jim, Patrick and Shirley

Goldie (Shirley's mom), Shirley & Jim

Corrinne, Shirley & Caitlin 

Shirley